Naked & Not Ashamed

Marital Vulnerability

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” ~Brene Brown

A vulnerable person is susceptible to harm, feeling at risk or exposed to attack physically or emotionally. Vulnerability does not equate to weakness but rather a need for external support.

Being emotionally vulnerable means we open ourselves to others to help us work through our emotions rather than suppressing them or ignoring them. Vulnerability becomes a strength when we work through the emotions of shame, guilt, pride, etc.

“To be vulnerable means to show up and be seen. To ask for what you need, to talk about how you’re feeling. To have hard conversations.” ~Brene Brown

How can you handle an internal adversary rather than an external one?

Being open and transparent in a relationship means allowing your partner, spouse, or significant other to see the real you. You share your thoughts, emotions, obstacles, challenges, and vulnerabilities without worrying about criticism, judgment, or rejection. You create and rely on a "Judgment Free Zone."

Many people struggle to be transparent in their relationships. Think about these couples and reflect on their level of transparency with each other.

In the upcoming stories, we observe how transparency can transform relationships and nurture stronger connections.

John and Maria had been married for ten years. They had built a life together, but over time, they began to drift apart. John felt overwhelmed by his job, while Maria struggled with feelings of inadequacy as a mother. They kept their worries to themselves, each afraid the other would judge them for their perceived failures. One evening, after a particularly rough day, John decided to open up. He shared his anxieties about work, admitting that he felt like he was failing. Maria, instead of judging him, felt a surge of empathy. She shared her struggles, and for the first time in years, they cried together. That night marked a turning point in their marriage. By being vulnerable, they found a new level of understanding and support.

In another instance, Lisa and Sam faced a similar challenge. Lisa had always been the strong one in their relationship, the problem-solver. But when her father passed away, she was overcome with grief and found it hard to maintain her composed facade. Sam, sensing her distress, encouraged her to talk about her feelings. Initially, Lisa resisted, afraid that showing her pain would make her appear weak. However, Sam’s gentle persistence paid off. Lisa eventually opened up, sharing her deepest fears and sadness. Sam listened without interruption, offering his support. This experience brought them closer, fortifying their bond with newfound trust.

Then there’s the story of Carla and Peter. They had always communicated well, but when Peter lost his job, he withdrew emotionally. Carla noticed the change and decided to address it directly. She sat Peter down and expressed her concern, assuring him that it was okay to feel upset. Peter admitted that he felt like a failure and was afraid of how Carla would see him. Carla reassured him that she loved him regardless of his job status and that they would face the challenge together. This moment of vulnerability allowed Peter to feel supported and less alone in his struggle.

Various biblical narratives illustrate vulnerability within the context of marriage. Take, for example, the story of Adam and Eve: Innocent yet quick to assign blame.

In Genesis 2:22-25, God fashioned woman from man's rib, and they experienced no shame. Prior to sin entering the picture, Adam and Eve were oblivious to shame and vulnerability. Sin changes our perception of self and others, leaving us feeling exposed and fragile.

Abraham and Sarah also faced family challenges.

In Genesis 21:8-10, Sarah observed her son being ridiculed by Hagar's son. This led Sarah to request Abraham to send Hagar and her son away, causing Abraham distress as he worried about his son.

David and Michal encountered public embarrassment.

2 Samuel 6:12-22 recounts David dancing joyfully before the Lord, which drew criticism from Michal, Saul's daughter, who felt embarrassed by his exuberance.

Job and his wife provide a lesson in communication.

During Job's most difficult moments, he sought comfort in conversations with his friends rather than his wife.

Men require a safe space to express vulnerability, while women need to feel secure to open up. Job struggled with his emotions privately before sharing them with others, highlighting the difficulty of articulating feelings amidst emotional turmoil or when lacking the appropriate words. Suppressed emotions can manifest as anger, especially in men who are often discouraged from displaying vulnerability due to societal expectations, such as avoiding tears, resulting in feelings of shame and embarrassment.

Joseph and Mary faced a unique engagement situation.

The account of Joseph and Mary, engaged despite her unexpected pregnancy, emphasizes the importance of honesty and transparency in a relationship. Openness allows couples to truly understand each other, similar to the uninhibited connection between Adam and Eve in the pre-sin Garden of Eden.

The Significance of Vulnerability

Openness cultivates acceptance, intimacy, trust, and strengthens bonds within a relationship.

The significance of vulnerability lies in its ability to foster connection, empathy, and growth. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open up to others in an authentic and honest way, creating opportunities for deeper relationships and understanding. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather a demonstration of courage and strength. It requires us to be honest with ourselves and others, to embrace our imperfections, and to take risks despite the fear of rejection or failure.

By being vulnerable, we invite others to do the same, creating a space for mutual support and acceptance. It is through vulnerability that we can truly be seen and understood, as it allows us to share our true thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgment. This openness can lead to greater intimacy and connection in our relationships, as well as personal growth and self-discovery.

Barriers to Vulnerability

One of the main barriers to vulnerability lies in the deep-rooted fear of judgment or rejection. This fear often stems from past experiences where opening up led to negative consequences, causing individuals to build walls around their emotions and thoughts. The reluctance to share vulnerabilities can also be attributed to societal norms that equate vulnerability with weakness, leading people

to believe that showing their true selves could make them targets for criticism or exploitation.

Despite the potential benefits, many individuals find it challenging to break through these barriers and allow themselves to be vulnerable.

Benefits of Vulnerability

On the other hand, embracing vulnerability can bring about a myriad of positive outcomes. By allowing oneself to be open and authentic, individuals create opportunities for genuine connections with others. Sharing vulnerabilities fosters a sense of acceptance and understanding, as it allows people to see and be seen for who they truly are. This authenticity paves the way for deeper levels of intimacy and trust in relationships, as it encourages mutual sharing and support.

Furthermore, embracing vulnerability can lead to personal growth and self-discovery, as it requires individuals to confront their fears and insecurities head-on. By stepping out of their comfort zones and being vulnerable, people often find strength in their authenticity and resilience in the face of challenges.

Practical Steps:

• Start by being candid about your feelings, desires, and needs.

• Share your struggles and hardships openly.

• Foster a safe environment devoid of judgment or rejection.

• Practice unconditional love.

• Offer support without rushing to fix or provide solutions, allowing space for your partner to process their thoughts and emotions.

These stories illustrate that vulnerability in marriage is not about exposing weaknesses but about building resilience together. By opening up, couples can navigate life's challenges with a united front, fostering a relationship based on mutual respect, empathy, and love.

Embracing vulnerability also allows us to learn from our mistakes and setbacks, as it encourages us to confront our fears and insecurities head-on. It is through vulnerability that we can break down barriers and build bridges between ourselves and others, fostering a sense of belonging and community. In a world that often values strength and invulnerability, embracing vulnerability can be a powerful act of self-love and authenticity.

In conclusion, vulnerability is a vital part of any healthy relationship. It allows partners to connect on a deeper level, providing a safe space to express fears, dreams, and insecurities. Embracing vulnerability can lead to stronger, more resilient partnerships where both individuals feel seen, heard, and valued.

Prayer:

Dear God, we lift up marriages to you today, recognizing the sacred bond that exists between two individuals who have chosen to unite their lives in love and partnership. We humbly ask that you grant couples the strength and resilience they need to uphold their vows of love, honor, and respect, which they have promised to each other in your presence. In the face of challenges and trials that may arise, may they find the fortitude to remain steadfast, drawing upon the deep well of their commitment to one another. Help them to demonstrate their devotion to you through their unwavering commitment to each other, reflecting the love that you have for us in their daily interactions and choices. May grace, forgiveness, and kindness reign in their home, creating a sanctuary of love and acceptance where both partners feel valued and cherished. Let their hearts be open to understanding and empathy, allowing them to navigate through conflicts with patience and compassion. May they cultivate an environment in which communication flows freely and misunderstandings are resolved with love, ensuring that their relationship remains strong and vibrant. Furthermore, we pray that their relationship be a source of hope and inspiration to others, serving as a testament to the beauty of a loving partnership grounded in faith. May their love story shine brightly, illuminating the path for those around them and encouraging others to seek the same depth of connection and commitment. In doing so, may they bring glory to your name, demonstrating the power of love that transcends all obstacles and reflects your divine grace. We ask all of this in Jesus' name, Amen!